Toilet Paper Panic

Toilet tissue is in the news again. Not long ago there was a panic due to the shortage of toilet tissue during COVID. I always find it amusing when people panic about toilet tissue. It amazes me how the human race existed for centuries without toilet tissue.

This morning there was an article about the devastation of forests to make toilet tissue. In Alabama there are several papermills. One where I served as Director of Missions made toilet paper. It employed over a thousand workers.

 Harvesting timber is big business in Alabama. Paper products are one of the many products from wood. Papermills are adjacent to rivers due to the high volume of water used to produce paper. The article this morning stated that it takes thirty-seven gallons of water for one roll of toilet paper.

Could you imagine the amount of toilet paper that the Hebrews would have used wandering in the wilderness for forty years. An estimated 1.5 million folks would have used a lot of paper. The logistics of managing the waste is mind boggling alone. The Israelites we very sanitary even without toilet tissue.

I guess most modern Americans are pampered. Growing up in the poverty of Alabama we had an outside toilet behind the house hidden in some plum trees. It was a two-seater. I never understood two holes in the toilet (outhouse).

One of my special memories is a two-seater outhouse at my Aunt Annie’s house. Mom and I were in the outhouse together. I was six years old. There was no roof and as we shared the moment we watched an airplane flying high over us. I asked, “Momma can they see us?” She said, “No son they are two high.” It was bad enough being in there with momma let alone being watched by fancy folks high in the sky. Using the toilet is “of a private nature” if you know what I mean.

The cement plant had open toilet stalls. It difficult to do “one’s business” with coworkers carrying on a discussion. Most of the time the urge to purge was wiped away. It was one thing to have open showers but the need to be more discrete when sitting on the toilet.

Our toilet paper was a Sears catalog for special guests and old newspapers for most everyone else. Catalogs and newspapers provided occupants with reading materials. Sears and Spiegle became wish books for Christmas gifts. Amidst the panic and shortage, we in the country didn’t worry. As fellow Alabamian Hank Williams Jr. sang, “A country boy can survive.”

There are always options for cleaning materials. When hunting, leaves are the good. Those that are a little damp are better than those that are dry. Knowledge of leaves, especially when green, is a must. Poison oak or ivy can cause problems.

 Granny Hopper’s outhouse had two bins for corn cobs. One contained white cobs and the other red ones. For those that may be unfamiliar with the two colors, red is used first and white used second to ensure cleanliness. Back then there were no warning attached. One had to use discretion when using it, especially if there were rawness or hemorrhoids.

Once we installed an inside toilet we had to use the store-bought toilet tissue. Some country folks thought it unsanitary to have the toilet inside. I have always wanted to build a bricked toilet outside and have a half-moon on the door just to be nostalgist. Oh yeah, I would put a bidet in it.

I do not know what the Hebrews used for the paperwork “doing their business” or cleaning up the blood and carcasses of sacrifices when the wandered in the Wilderness but they practiced cleanliness.

Thou shalt have a place outside the camp, and you shalt go out to it. And thou shalt have a paddle upon thy weapon; when thou wilt ease thyself abroad, thou shalt dig therewith, and shalt turn back and cover that which cometh from thee: Deuteronomy 23:12-13 KJV

Do not fret pampered people. Do not make a run on toilet tissue and create a shortage.

 

Sorry the System is Down

Several years ago, while returning from a conference in Montgomery, Alabama I made a pit stop at a service station across from the Alabama Air National Guard.  It was the place that former President George W. Bush did his flying while serving in the National Guard.  I always stop there.  I love watching the planes.

As I drove into the parking lot, I noticed that there were several people at the gas pumps, a tanker truck was filling the store’s holding tanks, and people were doing as I was.  I noticed one of the clerks standing in the door talking with a customer.  It’s nothing out of the ordinary, I witnessed this before at this particular station.

As I approached her, I say excuse me.  She said, “I’m sorry the station’s system is down.”  I thought she was referring to the gas pumps because the external gas tanks were being filled.

I told her that I wanted to buy a soft drink and a candy bar.  She said she could not make any transactions because the system was down.  I told her that surely, she could figure the cost of a soft drink and a candy bar.  She said she couldn’t.

All of a sudden, my mind raced back some twenty to thirty years earlier at a Sears Department store in Vestavia, Alabama.  On that day, there was a thunderstorm and the electricity had been off for just a few moments.  I was in the check out and the clerk said she could not check me out because the register was not working.  Now remember, this was when scanning items was in its infancy.  I noticed that the old cash register was still at the checkout counter.  I asked the clerk if she could use the old register or a calculator.  Her answer shocked me.  She said she did not know how to use them.

Another thought I had was an episode at the old Food World grocery store in Demopolis, Alabama.  For years I would do grocery shopping late at night.  Being from “the sticks” in Chilton County, we had to travel thirty-five miles to the Food World in Pelham, Alabama.  Not getting out much, we would make the trek about once a month throwing in an opportunity to eat at Quincy’s Steak House.  We just got into the habit of going at night.

At the Demopolis Food World, we were in the checkout line around ten pm when the Food World central office in Birmingham shut down all computers to do a recalculation or calibration.

It was mass chaos.  Some folks were in the process of checking out.  All open registers were two to three deep with buggies, and no one knew when the system would reload.  Several people got irritated, left their buggies, and went home.  The system came back up just as some were exiting.

When I wrote this article, Pam, the Associational Missions secretary was having trouble with logging church letters.  The Adobe Reader system continuous shuts down.  I spent thirty minutes with her trying to update or reinstalling the Adobe Reader.  Our office work depends on the system working.  The process of updating and adding programs to the system never ends.

After the system shut down in Montgomery, I read this statement in the October 1, 2012 issue of Time Magazine: “Technology makes us forget what we know about life.”  Our technological know-how is preventing us from the everyday know how of living.

These system shutdowns remind me of predictions of the future from preachers, writers, and old folk in the past.  They said that the Bible speaks of a time when there will be plenty, but no one can buy.  The service station had plenty of merchandize, but no one could purchase it.  It is frightening see how easy the world as we knew could quickly shut down.  With each passing day and each advancement in technology, we become more vulnerable to system shutdowns.  When one thinks of that possibility of vulnerability, how easy would it be for a person or group to disable and dismantle life as we know it?

Life is not about systems.  Systems fail.  We must remind ourselves that we cannot allow systems to uneducate or dumb down us about life and how to survive.  The Scriptures remind of a time when systems fail:

 

And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts say, A measure of wheat for a penny, and three measures of barley for a penny; and see thou hurt not the oil and the wine (Revelation 6:6 KJV).

 

And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads:  And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name.  Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six (Revelation 13:16-18 KJV.)

 

These verses show us that in the future there will be plenty to buy, but most will not have the resources or opportunity.

Dr. Donald Grey Barnhouse says the above verse means, “The poor are getting poorer; and the rich are still able to retain their luxuries.”  He continues, “One of the great criticisms of the present time is there is scarcity in midst of plenty.  This is the situation which will be accentuated a thousandfold when the Antichrist begins his reign.  It is social maladjustment.”

Dr. M.D. DeHann says that the oil and the wine are symbols of wealth and the wealthy will have sufficient food for a time.  The poor will give a day’s wages for wheat and barley and the rich will be left untouched until the money is gone. 

Dr. DeHann wrote these words in 1948.  Dr. Barnhouse wrote his in 1971.  We are witnessing seeing signs today.