Toilet Paper Panic

Toilet tissue is in the news again. Not long ago there was a panic due to the shortage of toilet tissue during COVID. I always find it amusing when people panic about toilet tissue. It amazes me how the human race existed for centuries without toilet tissue.

This morning there was an article about the devastation of forests to make toilet tissue. In Alabama there are several papermills. One where I served as Director of Missions made toilet paper. It employed over a thousand workers.

 Harvesting timber is big business in Alabama. Paper products are one of the many products from wood. Papermills are adjacent to rivers due to the high volume of water used to produce paper. The article this morning stated that it takes thirty-seven gallons of water for one roll of toilet paper.

Could you imagine the amount of toilet paper that the Hebrews would have used wandering in the wilderness for forty years. An estimated 1.5 million folks would have used a lot of paper. The logistics of managing the waste is mind boggling alone. The Israelites we very sanitary even without toilet tissue.

I guess most modern Americans are pampered. Growing up in the poverty of Alabama we had an outside toilet behind the house hidden in some plum trees. It was a two-seater. I never understood two holes in the toilet (outhouse).

One of my special memories is a two-seater outhouse at my Aunt Annie’s house. Mom and I were in the outhouse together. I was six years old. There was no roof and as we shared the moment we watched an airplane flying high over us. I asked, “Momma can they see us?” She said, “No son they are two high.” It was bad enough being in there with momma let alone being watched by fancy folks high in the sky. Using the toilet is “of a private nature” if you know what I mean.

The cement plant had open toilet stalls. It difficult to do “one’s business” with coworkers carrying on a discussion. Most of the time the urge to purge was wiped away. It was one thing to have open showers but the need to be more discrete when sitting on the toilet.

Our toilet paper was a Sears catalog for special guests and old newspapers for most everyone else. Catalogs and newspapers provided occupants with reading materials. Sears and Spiegle became wish books for Christmas gifts. Amidst the panic and shortage, we in the country didn’t worry. As fellow Alabamian Hank Williams Jr. sang, “A country boy can survive.”

There are always options for cleaning materials. When hunting, leaves are the good. Those that are a little damp are better than those that are dry. Knowledge of leaves, especially when green, is a must. Poison oak or ivy can cause problems.

 Granny Hopper’s outhouse had two bins for corn cobs. One contained white cobs and the other red ones. For those that may be unfamiliar with the two colors, red is used first and white used second to ensure cleanliness. Back then there were no warning attached. One had to use discretion when using it, especially if there were rawness or hemorrhoids.

Once we installed an inside toilet we had to use the store-bought toilet tissue. Some country folks thought it unsanitary to have the toilet inside. I have always wanted to build a bricked toilet outside and have a half-moon on the door just to be nostalgist. Oh yeah, I would put a bidet in it.

I do not know what the Hebrews used for the paperwork “doing their business” or cleaning up the blood and carcasses of sacrifices when the wandered in the Wilderness but they practiced cleanliness.

Thou shalt have a place outside the camp, and you shalt go out to it. And thou shalt have a paddle upon thy weapon; when thou wilt ease thyself abroad, thou shalt dig therewith, and shalt turn back and cover that which cometh from thee: Deuteronomy 23:12-13 KJV

Do not fret pampered people. Do not make a run on toilet tissue and create a shortage.