I Love You Son

I think of the horror he must have felt to see his daddy dead,

  From a ghastly self-inflicted wound to the head.

A terrible sight for just a lad,

  Boyhood, manhood, and fatherhood for him were sad.

This helped me better understand why he struggled to say,

  I love you son and be a great Christian some day.

I wonder how many times as a small boy he was told,

  I love you son, grow big, strong, and bold.

These words from him to me were rare and few in between,

  However, I never doubted his love or felt that he treated me mean.

I knew daddy loved me and as his first-born, he was proud of me,

  There were too many photographs of daddy showing me off you see.

Pictures of pickups, horses, and tractors testify to that fact,

  That many years passed without him saying he loved me, before he patted me on the back.

I was married with children of my own bringing joy into my life,

  When he said, “I love you son” filled my heart with delight.

As his son many days came and went with me having that great desire,

  To hunt, fish, just doing something with him even if were changing a tire.

Many times in my youth, I would get the ball and glove,

  Wanting more than playing ball, I really wanted to share his love.

Day in and day out, I begged him to play,

  But would say he was too tired, too old, or say wait another day.

He was big, strong, and tough as evidenced in his scars,

  I wanted to be like him in many ways especially “fixing” cars.

His younger days without his dad were wild and rough,

  Cussing, fighting, drinking, and wild women he could not get enough.

As my dad his vises were down to cussing and telling lies,

  However, I only saw his hurt of not having a dad in his life in my young eyes.

I was a sissy, cry baby and he worried his first born would be a runt,

   If he could see me now, his words would be very blunt, followed by a big grunt.

No one questioned how he felt about a situation or where he stood,

  He was wise and discerning, but sometimes I wondered if his head was wood.

I grew bigger and taller than he ever imagined me to be,

  But in my mind, he is daddy and will always be a big man to me.

In my youth I worked hard and trained because I wanted to make him glad,

  So one day we arm-wrestled and I finally beat, but his reaction was sad.

I thought he would be happy for me to win,

  Nevertheless, I saw the hurt and sadness, not a smile of a father’s grin.

I wished I had just given him a tough fight,

  Moreover, let him win and not take away his glory and might.

I wanted so much for him to be so proud,

  So he could wolf and brag about his son when in a crowd.

I wanted love and affirmation,

  And not money, not cars, and not even a beach vacation.

My desire, the one that was number one,

  Was hearing daddy say, “I love you son.”

I was Christian and my daddy was lost,

  I prayed for God to save him regardless of cost.

The cries, the pleas, and the prayers were not for naught,

  When daddy told the preacher Jesus his soul, he had bought.

The news of his decision brought amen’s, hallelujahs, and tears,

  Then suddenly the answer to prayer filled my heart with fears.

The cost of salvation is a price that is high,

  For God at Calvary in Jesus our sin did die.

For daddy the cost for him to find Jesus was not cheap,

  He accepted his wound to the head, a tumor, without bitterness, not even a peep.

He had made me proud when he asked Jesus into his heart,

  However, the sting of the cancer struck me like a fiery dart.

He served Jesus for two years after his surgery to the head,

  He had a great testimony as I sat with him at his deathbed.

The week had started with me feeding him peas, potatoes, cornbread, and tea,

  Him not speaking a word, I fed him with delight remembering he once did it for me.

So as the dawn of that Friday was the rise of the sun,

  I held his hand as he took his last breath and raised with Jesus the Son.

As I held that big old hand one last time, my hand seemed so small,

  For in my mind I was a little boy and daddy so big, strong, and tall.

I said, “I love you daddy” as the nurse said there is no heart beat, no not one,

  Then I remembered the word of his heart as he said, “I love you son.”

I have written this Father’s Day poem so you can do something for me,

  Fathers and children look at one another and tell me what you see.

Dad, do you see children, who want to hear,

 The words “I love you” from a father so dear.

Boys, do you see a dad, who to you is so big and strong,

  Tell him you love him, and boys that is not wrong.

Girls, do you see a dad that has hugged you and held you to his chest,

  Remember when he says, “I love you Hon,” that each boy in your life must pass dad’s test.

Mom, do you see the dad of your children and the joy you share,

  He needs your love and affirmation to be the man to thread where eagles dare.

Today the sermon may be short and sweet, the message plain to see,

  Remember that to be together in heaven like Jesus we must be.

For when John baptized Jesus, a new course was set to run,

  God the Father said to Jesus, “I love you son.”

Matthew 3:17 says, “And lo a voice from saying, this is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased.”