Are You Getting Smart With Me

Thirty-five years ago, I bought a 1986 Firebird Trans Am for my oldest son Andy. He was fifteen at the time and I would not let him drive it until he got a permit. It belonged to a friend’s daughter, and she offered to sell it to me at a wonderful price. She knew that Andy and his sister Angel loved the car.

I told my friend that I could not afford the car, but she had lowered the price for me against her brother’s advice. He was a car salesman. I told he that could possibly buy it but could not afford the insurance for it. I finally caved in and bought it and own it to this day.

The 86 Trans Am was not a hotrod, but it was a sports car of the eighties. Gas shortages and government control had unmuscled the muscle car. It was white with red pinstriping, T-tops, grey and red interior, aluminum alloy mags wheels, and pop-up headlights.

It was fun to drive. Andy was not a hotrodder. When the Honda Accord “grocery getters” became popular, he called the Trans Am a piece of junk. He eventually got him a “grocery getter.” I kept the Trans Am stored in my shed from 2000 until 2016. I would drive it when I would spend the weekends on the Sugar Ridge Farm. I was serving two hours south in Linden, Alabama.

I had replaced the motor and after several years had it rebuilt. It used so much oil that I did not have to change oil, but only a filter. Oil blew from the exhaust onto the rear bumper. My friend and mechanic friend Mack Tucker rebuilt it for me. It took him six years.

After the rebuild I asked my wife Lisa, who I married in 2018 if she wanted a Trans Am. I told her that it was rough. When we drove to Linden, Alabama to retrieve it, she fell in love with it and said it was beautiful. He loves to drive it with the T-tops out making it almost a convertible. Cool, stary nights are her favorite times to take a ride. I drive while she watches the stars.

One night while taking one of our romantic drives, we went to McDonalds for a burger and coke. The young man at the drive-thru window asked me, “Did you take the top out of the car?” He was young, pre-T-top days young.

I said, “I sure did.” He wanted to know how, and I took a few minutes to tell him about the removal T-tops. He thought it was the coolest thing. We get comments all the time about Trans Am. What Andy called “junk” is now a classic ride.

One night Lisa was driving, and I was enjoying the beautiful night lights until suddenly blue lights started flashing. A quarter mile from home, Chilton County’s finest County Police pulled us over. Granted the Trans Am is a police magnet because it looks fast. Thinking they had two hot, partying teenagers on a wild ride they stopped us.

I sure what they found embarrassed them. Two old grey-haired adults puddling home. They asked for driver’s license, registration, and insurance info. Then they asked, “Where you headed” while shining flashlights into the car.

We told them just over the hill less than a quarter mile. The problem was ALFA insurance had failed on several occasions to change the address from Maplesville, Alabama to Jemison, Alabama after we married and moved. They thought we were lying; perhaps they thought we took the car from the teenagers. Finally, after several other comments, they said we pulled you over for driving with only one headlight. I said the headlight must have a bad connection. I started out of the car to the surprise of the officer on my side. He witnesses just how difficult it is for an old man with titanium knees to exit a Trans Am. I bumped the headlight, and it came on. They let us go.

Most of the time when I am pulled over by the police they first thing they ask is where are you going. Now, when I answer I do not know if it is my looks or tone of my voice they ask, “Are getting smart with me?”

The two that pulled Lisa and me over, did not ask me that the of one-eyed Trans Am but I sure they thought my answers were smart-alecky. We answered as sincerely and honestly as we could.

One time I thanked an officer who pulled me over for speeding. He thought I was smart with him when I thanked him for stopping me and reminding me to slow down. And I thanked him because I knew that officers never know what or whom they are confronting. They have a thankless vocation. What makes all this funny was I was a Chaplain for the Linden Police Department until I retired in 2018.

Next time I get pulled over and they ask are you getting smart with me I am going to reply, “No officer I don’t know if I can get down on your level.” Now that would be smart-alecky.

Some words of Jesus may be construed as being smart-alecky.

And Jesus said unto him, Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head. Luke 9:28 KJV

Jesus; addressing Pilot’s question-

Jesus answered him, Sayest thou this thing of thyself, or did others tell it thee of me? John 18:34 KJV