Spending time with my cousins was almost like living in a
utopia because I thought that life would always be about family closeness. There were sixteen boys and six girls in our Chapman
extended family. We were more like
brothers and sisters than we were cousins.
We went to church together, played together, and ate together. One of my favorite pictures is one where I am
about five years old and we are together to eat at Grandmoe Chapman’s
table. We thought those days would never
end.
Years later I realized that I was the only grandchild of Joe
and Ethel Chapman that built and lived on family land. Methodically, we ventured into the
world. College, vocations, and marriage
separated us. Precious are the moments
we spent together, but there were quandaries.
It never failed that when I spent time with certain cousins
that momma and daddy would have to give me an attitude adjustment. The adjustment started with a verbal warning
in the form of a question. “Am I going
to have to whup, slang for whip, the ‘cousin’s full name’ out of you?” It never failed. It was guaranteed that I would get a whuppin’
after spending time with certain cousins.
I didn’t realize the negative influence my certain cousins had. There were some, older ones, that always had
good advice, but the younger would get you in trouble.
After an adjustment or two or three or four, heck a bunch of
them, I decided I needed to be selective with my cousins’ advice. The adjustments helped me with life and the
art of listening to folks.
People ask me about my decision-making. I must process information, usually sleeping
before making a decision. I try to
research all the information. Good information leads to good decisions. I must not allow peer pressure to form or
sway my decisions.
Peer pressure has been around for a long time and it changes
with age. I believe that the older I
get, the more peer pressure pushes my way.
It is hard to go against the flow.
Going against the flow, means standing alone.
As a teenager, when I played football there were those that
tried to get me to drink beer. I chose
not to drink. I remember in state
playoff one of our best backs fumbled a kickoff. He told us that he saw two footballs and he
caught the wrong one. He later was
murdered for gambling debts. Other
teammates and classmates are now alcoholics.
Some have failed marriages, lost jobs, and have nothing to show except a
life of regrets.
I remember working at Hiwassee Land Company in high
school. The older boys, in their early
twenties, pressured me to date, to take girls parking, and to whisper “sweet
nothings” in their ears. I never will
forget their reactions when they quizzed me the following week. They asked me what I whispered into their
ears. I said “sweet nothing.”
In class, there was the pressure to cheat for those that
were either lazy or dumb. They assured
me that it would not hurt anything.
Looking back, I hurt them more than I helped them.
In the work place, there was the pressure to buck authority
or not to work. I received ridicule when
I would work hard, while fellow employees goofed off. They said they made just as much as I
did. I reminded them that I could face
the paymaster and they needed to walk up backwards to receive their payday.
I have listened to the wrong advice through the years and
the consequences are not good. Even as a pastor, there is tremendous peer
pressure from within and without the church when the church is struggling. I am reminded of my call into the ministry almost forty years ago. During the 1980’s,
people questioned the church’s relevancy.
Entertainment, gimmicks, and programs replaced preaching the Word of God.
I think were are reaping those seeds today.
Back then, God made it very plain that His Word was not being preached and
that I was to preach the truth.
His call is more emphatic today. There is a shift in conventional wisdom. It seems that the younger generation has all
the answers and wants the old white-haired preachers and leadership to get out
of the way. They are even belligerent and
hostile in conversation with older church members and preachers.
Good decision-making means listening to the right
people. Too many believers are listening
to the enemy. The enemy has the ear of
the world and it is becoming clearer with each passing day. Right is wrong and wrong is right if you
listen to some folks.
President Woodrow Wilson said, “The ear of the leader must
ring with the voices of the people.”
Good leaders encourage followers to tell them what they need to know, not
what they want to hear.
And the king answered
them roughly; and king Rehoboam forsook the counsel of the old men, and
answered them after the advice of the young men, saying, My father made your
yoke heavy, but I will add thereto: my father chastised you with whips, but I
will chastise you with scorpions. So the
king hearkened not unto the people: for the cause was of God, that the Lord
might perform his word (2 Chronicles
According to John Maxwell, Rehoboam refused to listen to
history, his followers, the wise counsel of his staff, and to God.
Rehoboam heard, but did not listen and failed to connect and
learn. Rehoboam failed to listen to the
right people. I wonder if when he was a
kid if his mom, Naamah, or dad, Solomon, every whupped the ‘Jewish cousin’ out
of him?
