"Good Old Boys"

Well the Christmas holidays are over and a new year is underway.  Many have already broken their New Year Resolutions.  Personally, the person who devised New Year resolutions needs to be whipped.  Resolutions are too quickly broken.  Resolutions need to remain the devices of government and the legislative process or annual meetings, not New Year vows made after a party.

The best thing about parties is the food, the fun, and the fellowship.  The worse thing is preparation, dealing with uncouth people, and cleaning up the mess.  A very good friend said that having company is like fish, after three days its starts stinking.  Uncouth people ruin parties.

I am reminded of two friends from the University of Montevallo who were uncouth.  Mike and Enos were a couple of “good old boys” never meaning no harm.  Mike was Italian.  He was very short, very athletic, and very industrious for a retired man.  He was climbing and trimming trees well into his seventies.  Enos was your average “Bubba” with his pants low, shirttail out, large belly shining, and ball cap.

Mike and Enos were sanitation specialists.  They had one of the most intriguing jobs at the University.  They ran the garbage truck.  Watching them everyday was like watching a comedy sitcom.  They knew everything going on around campus.  You might say they were the University garbologists.

It was never difficult to locate Mike and Enos.  All one had to do was to use the sense of sight or smell to follow the garbage juice that dripped from the truck.  The trail usually led to the cafeteria or to the baseball field.  They loved cookies and baseball and were friends of the head of the cafeteria and the baseball coach.

People liked to joke with Mike and Enos.  Enos was single, never married.  One day one of the boys from the carpenter shop asked Enos if he was a virgin.  Enos replied, “No, I’m Church of Christ.”  Enos was a tad slow mentally.

The president of the University retired and the University spent a hunk of money on his farewell party.  Dignitaries filled the campus.  The cafeteria prepared a feast fit for kings.  Tents, podiums, and seats filled with people at the baseball stadium.  Everyone loved the president because he treated everyone the same.  He knew every University worker by his or her first name.

Mike and Enos were out making their rounds when they realized that it was time for the big shindig.  In haste, they made their way to the baseball stadium.  They pulled the garbage truck up the big tent were all the dignitaries from all over the state of Alabama had ascended that day.

Mike and Enos hopped out of the truck, walked into the tent, and started giving their farewell condolences to the president.  Suit and ties met jumpsuits and boots.  Those with expensive cologne and perfume mingled with those of sour milk and rotting stench.  The clean-shaven and manicured rubbed elbows with the scraggly bearded and dirty finger nailed as the garbage truck dripped its putrid and malodorous juices just inches from the gourmet spread for kings.

As Mike and Enos helped themselves to the cuisine of the elite, the head of the Grounds department and Deans of College scampered to catch the fainting and rescue the nauseous.  Embarrassment rolled as a loose garbage can blowing in the wind.

Finally, the Head of the Grounds Department asked Mike and Enos to move the truck.  Mike and Enos, as happy as pigs in slop, jumped into the truck and continued their rounds.  The celebration ended more quickly than everyone anticipated.  Gone were Mike and Enos, but in their place flies buzzed over the putrid and malodorous juices left behind for everyone to enjoy.

When thou art bidden of any man to a wedding, sit not down in the highest room; lest a more honourable man than thou be bidden of him; and he that bade thee and him come and say to thee, Give this man place; and thou begin with shame to take the lowest room. But when thou art bidden, go and sit down in the lowest room; that when he that bade thee cometh, he may say unto thee, Friend, go up higher: then shalt thou have worship in the presence of them that sit at meat with thee (Luke 14:8-10 KJV).